nothing's alright until its truly alright. nothing's done until it can't be undone. darn it i'm so fucking pissed off today. don't get offended dear valued readers, i'm just having another bad day at the office. not literally office 'cuz i'm still studying. before you going to read this post, please bear in my this is not what i really am, this is what happen when you mix a very very unhappy person located far far away from civilization and the learning system that he/she has bound to follow. also, reader's discretion is very needed and hopefully none of you gonna label me as a total shithead.
to start things off, i woke up late today, darn it almost missed my class 'cuz nobody got a fucking courtesy to wake me up. but it's fine. still can go on with today's schedule. later in the morning, i went to the faculty office to send my particulars, hoping that i can't get out from this shithole. but my expectations were too high, fucking staying here maybe until next semester. i'm so pissed of knowing that shit. i mean, what the fuck???!!! you told me to send the particulars as soon as possible and then expect me to wait? why don't you just tell me earlier that i'm gonna be transferred the next fucking semester??!! curse you idiots, seriously you can go to hell. *i'm still have the soundness of my mind fellow readers, so don't worry*
this shit is totally uncool man. i was like, "hell man, to hell all of them, i'm going out from here this semester no matter what". then something struck me, oh boy i can't get my fucking fat ass out from here 'cuz i'm still the student of this place. SHIT and plus the dean won't let me. but to wait for the finals, i can bet that i won't be transferring, but instead i will be kicked out due to my fucking lame performance here. cannot blame them though. i know i'm the one who supposed to be blame. so what? i can;t adapt the situation here and no one even cares about me. i don't even have a "click" okay in here, so what do you expect from me?
so people around me keep talking about i'm going to transfer. and in class the lecturers are starting to label me as "budak setan", 'cuz of not going into class and stuffs. whatta fuck la you guys, i'm busy taking care about my transfer and you are like banning me from going into class, saying i'm gonna fail my finals and this semester. if all of you don't stop talking bad about me in front of lecturers, how the hell i'm going to take my finals, its fucking impossible. the bad mouths, the gossips type and stuff. ok i'm going to leave, but it's not official yet right? don't fucking tell everyone i'm going to transfer officially. fuck i'm pissed. damn it i'm so fucked up i even can't concentrate in my class. keep thinking about things that should be settled long ago. as i recall, back then, there is no need to wait this long for transferring.why on earth they just let me take my finals at elsewhere? my reputation here is broken and there is only a lil bit of them to be repaired, damaged done not only by me, but also done by the people i called "friends".
now i'm feeling like i'm in a very deep shit. i'm so gonna fucking fail my finals. maybe its because of me but it won't happened if they won't be so big-mouthed to the fellow lecturers. fuck all of them. my spirit is down so does my will. i've got nothing to gain yet so many to lose. the only thing i can do is to keep holding on and try my best from now onwards. yup words can be deceiving but remember guys, looks also can be deceiving as always. i'm totally down but not out. tomorrow still gonna be a important day for me. hoping not the same shits that happened to me earlier would be a cliche.
i'm gonna stop for tonight 'cuz the feeling inside of me just can't be described by words. feeling is subjective so no matter how many thousand word is used to describe it, it would be in vain. till next time dear readers. XOXO
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